CoffeeBear.net

Realistic Friendship Promises

Posted by Mark | Filed under Life

I saw this post over at Mind­ful Mus­ings and thought it was too cool, but also too short. So here’s the revised list:

1. When you are sad, I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bas­tard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dis­lodge what­ever is chok­ing you.
3. When you smile, I will know you finally got laid and give you a high five.
4. When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are wor­ried, I will tell you hor­ri­ble sto­ries about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are con­fused, I will use small words and draw pic­tures to explain.
7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you’re well again. I don’t want what­ever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. When you do some­thing stu­pid, I will let you know. By point­ing it out as loudly as pos­si­ble to make sure you never do it again.
10. When you get drunk off your ass, I will drive you home. But only because I am going to shave your eye­brows off.
11. When you are lonely, I will keep my eyes open to find a mate for you. But I will never set you up on a blind date; unless you ask for it and then I will laugh at how des­per­ate you’ve become.
12. When you are angry, I will help you kick the other guy’s ass.
13. When you are in love, I will be sup­port­ive even if I think s/he’s totally unwor­thy of you.
14. When you get mar­ried, I will be happy to show up at your wed­ding and eat the free food. I will even try to find you a wed­ding present that you might like.
15. When you have kids, I will give you my con­grat­u­la­tions and then imme­di­ately change my phone num­ber so you can never ask me to babysit your kid.

Ok, so my addi­tions to the list aren’t as good as the orig­i­nal stuff; but what the heck, I had fun writ­ing them.

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