CoffeeBear.net

English Quizzes

Posted by Mark | Filed under Quizzes

We never had quizzes like these back when I took Eng­lish in school. Then again I wasn’t tak­ing Eng­lish classes from some ran­dom Inter­net per­son with a .co.uk domain name either. :D

YOU ARE A NORTHERN BASTARD
Flat caps, tripe, life down t’pit, black pud­ding, Grimsby. Just a few of the things that you hold dear to your heart, for you are now offi­cially a North­ern Bas­tard. Why not cel­e­brate with a good ol’ fash­ioned party in the street with bunting, flags and jelly and custard?

If you are, in fact, a south­erner and are read­ing this then don’t be too dis­ap­pointed. You now have to be friendly to peo­ple, pro­nounce poor as ‘poowa’ and take baths in a steel bath­tub in front of the liv­ing room fire. Not really. That would be ridicu­lous. Just move to Workington.

If you are in fact a true north­erner, good on ya! And, we’ll see you down south in a cou­ple of years. Just you watch.

In con­clu­sion, I’ll si thi later, ya bastard!

Why not take the test again?

YOU ARE A BOXERS MAN
The relief must be flow­ing through you at the moment, for you have rightly been deemed a ‘box­ers man’. Or should that be ‘box­ers bloke’?

Either way, at least you’re not a freak­ing pants wear­ing old man, eh? You are also now approx­i­mately 45% bet­ter off at ‘pulling’ a girl in a night­club. Score! The only prob­lem you now have to face is con­stant re-arrangement of the under­car­riage. Although box­ers pro­vide the refresh­ing breeze that pants shut out, they do not give the tes­tic­u­lar sup­port some require.

Still, at least you won’t have a low sperm count.

Why not take the test again?

YOU ARE A FILM BUFF
Well done! You are hereby hon­oured with the title of film buff. You can now impress your mates that you passed a film quiz on a web­site that no-one’s ever heard of. Groovy! Go to the cin­ema in tri­umph, with your salted pop­corn and box of maltesers.

As a film buff, you now have the respon­si­bil­ity of cor­rect­ing peo­ple at every oppor­tu­nity about com­mon film mis­takes. ‘Play it again, Sam’ was never uttered in Casablanca, you should be say­ing, ‘Adam San­dler is not funny’ also, and of course, ‘Hap­pi­ness is per­fect fam­ily view­ing’. Peo­ple will be amazed by your com­mand of gen­eral film knowl­edge. Until you get a ques­tion about Jean Claude Van Damme movies that is. Ulp.

In con­clu­sion, how the hell has Mar­tin Scors­ese never won an Oscar?

Why not take the test again?

YOU ARE NOT A DRUNK
Oh well. Don’t be dis­ap­pointed at not being a drunk. Some peo­ple equate drunk­en­ness with good social skills but we know dif­fer­ently don’t we friends? How many true alco­holics do you actu­ally hang around with? Not many I can assure ye.

You like a drink in mod­er­a­tion, prob­a­bly one or two nights out a week — if that. The odd pint doesn’t go amiss either, with maybe even one or two vodka and Red Bull’s if you’re feel­ing fruity. But, down in your heart of hearts there’s noth­ing that can beat a good cup of tea in your book. May I advise a bis­cuit accom­pa­ni­ment of a good choco­late diges­tive? They’re lovely.

In con­clu­sion, get York­shire Tea aswell.

Why not take the test again?

YOU ARE NOT A GEEK
Phew. That was a close one. Not a geek, eh? Chances are you’re happy with that because it takes quite a bit to qual­ify as a geek here. You are just a nor­mal Joe. Awww. If you are sur­prised by this result, then why would you want to be a geek in the first place any­way? How­ever, I sus­pect you’re going to do the test again until you qual­ify as a geek now, aren’t you?

Not being a geek has it’s obvi­ous ben­e­fits. Num­ber one: you’re not a geek, two: you can talk to peo­ple, three: you’ve prob­a­bly expe­ri­enced sex. There are down­falls but I can’t think of any. Well… Obvi­ously I can but I wouldn’t want to make you feel bad. Lord no.

In con­clu­sion, this test was a waste of time, wasn’t it?

Why not take the test again?

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