I saw this post over at Mindful Musings and thought it was too cool, but also too short. So here’s the revised list:
- When you are sad, I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
- When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
- When you smile, I will know you finally got laid and give you a high five.
- When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
- When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
- When you are confused, I will use small words and draw pictures to explain.
- When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you’re well again. I don’t want whatever you have.
- When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
- When you do something stupid, I will let you know. By pointing it out as loudly as possible to make sure you never do it again.
- When you get drunk off your ass, I will drive you home. But only because I am going to shave your eyebrows off.
- When you are lonely, I will keep my eyes open to find a mate for you. But I will never set you up on a blind date; unless you ask for it and then I will laugh at how desperate you’ve become.
- When you are angry, I will help you kick the other guy’s ass.
- When you are in love, I will be supportive even if I think s/he’s totally unworthy of you.
- When you get married, I will be happy to show up at your wedding and eat the free food. I will even try to find you a wedding present that you might like.
- When you have kids, I will give you my congratulations and then immediately change my phone number so you can never ask me to babysit your kid.
Ok, so my additions to the list aren’t as good as the original stuff; but what the heck, I had fun writing them.