Month: March 2008

  • Have the dentist tell you they want to do about $2000 worth of work inside your mouth, after they’ve already done roughly $900 worth.
  • Hearing that your new dental insurance will only cover the first $1000 worth of work the dentist wants to do.
  • Take your car to the mechanic to have the brakes checked and the wiper fixed1.
  • Driving past a perfect photo opportunity and realizing your camera is sitting on your desk at home.
  • Have your wife call you the next day telling you the mechanic told her the car was done and the bill was $3761!
  • Go to the mechanic to find out your wife needs to clean out her ears as your brakes are fine and the mechanic only charged us $37.61 to fix the wiper.
  • Find out the sample data you’ve been playing with at work was the wrong file from the data provider and you’re going to have to recreate all the same work all over again.
  • See large puddles of water in your basement. Water seeping in from a side of the basement which has never gotten wet before.
  • Figure out the plastic pipe from the sump-pump outside the house has come un-clamped from the bit of pipe running away from the house.
  • Narrowly dodge a vast spray of water coming from the sump-pump.
  • Quickly re-clamp the pipes, hoping not to get soaked.
  • Watch the sump-pump force the water out a crack in the pipe, spraying down your neighbor’s fence.
  • Unplugging the sump-pump, going outside, cutting away the cracked portion of the pipe, re-clamping the pipes, send the wife down into the basement to plug in the sump-pump, standing back hoping the clamp will hold.
  • Watching the clamp still leak.
  • Deciding to go back inside anyway.
  • While putting your tools away realize one of the joints on the interior sump-pump piping is now leaking more than when you started.
  • Being told to shut-off the outside lights when you’re grabbing some slippers to go back to the switch to turn the lights off.
  • Writing 3744 fewer items in your list of 3761 ways to go bonkers.

1 The driver-side windshield wiper kept coming loose and wouldn’t wipe the windshield.

Speaking as one who has lived in both the North and the South, I can honestly say sweat tea is an unholy abomination. Unfortunately, the further one goes South the more likely it is you’ll get sweetened tea if you do not specifically order unsweetened tea. In some heathen lands of the South, there are actually places that don’t even sell unsweetened tea.

Iced tea is ideally made by placing 5 bags of black tea inside a 1 gallon glass (not plastic!) jar and set out in the sunshine until the jar is dark. It should then be taken inside, tea bags removed and refrigerated. It should be served with no more than 3 one inch cubes of ices per 8oz glass. As Jeri mentions, a slice of lemon in a glass of iced tea is acceptable; however no, I repeat NO sweeteners are acceptable.

Hot tea can have a single spoon of honey added to it, if one is sick with a sore throat. Or the faint of heart can add a small amount of milk, but only if they put the milk in the cup before the tea (reversing the order curdles the milk).

In response to Sweet Tea is an Abomination by Shawn Powers.

Our office admin at work has a candy basket on her desk. It gets filled (and emptied) on a fairly regular basis. Today a bag of Easter (Peanut) M&Ms was added to it. I swung by and grabbed a couple to brighten up my morning and noticed some of the M&Ms had little sheep heads printed on them. So with apologize to Dr. Demento, I give you “Sheep Heads”

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

In the morning, laughing happy sheep heads
In the evening, floating in the soup

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

Ask a sheep head anything you want to
They won’t answer, they can’t talk

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

I took a sheep head out to see a movie,
Didn’t have to pay to get it in

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

They can’t play baseball, they don’t wear sweaters
They’re not good dancers, they don’t play drums

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

Rolly Polly sheep heads are never seen drinking cappuccino in
Italian restaurants with Oriental women.
Yeeaahh

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

Yum!

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yumm!

Sheep heads, sheep heads, rolly polly sheep heads
Sheep heads, sheep heads, eat them up
Yummmm!

Yeeaahh