Category: Humor

Reversed for those topices requiring a broad sense of what’s funny.

A co-worker & I were im’ing to kill a bit of time at the end of our work day. We started talking about our plans for the evening and….

B: Primarily girls night at my house, few of S’s friends coming over, and most of them are…
B: hmm…
B: how to put this politely…
B: single, and for good reason?
Me: 😀
B: oh, and btw, no, you can’t blog this or my ass is grass
B: And no, I shouldn’t have given you the idea

Muahahahaha!

One of my co-workers was having a rough morning and came up with this most amusing list.

Top Ten Signs That The Office You Work In Is Transforming You Into A Comic Book Super-Villain

10. You believe that Corporate America was instinctively constructed by the weak and stupid in order to preserve their gene pools and in accordance with Natural Law it must eventually be destroyed.
9. You’re certain you can take over the entire world if you can only “eliminate” the twelve levels of management between you and the CEO.
8. In those rare moments when things actually work out for you, you’ve caught yourself grinning menacingly and saying, “Everything is going according to my plan.”
7. It seems as though everyone on the planet is an idiot except you even though you’re the one working sixty hours per week on a meager salary in a 6×6 cubicle and your only plan of escape is, “Destroy my enemies and assume control of the world’s nuclear arsenal.”
6. Nobody understands you except Lex Luthor as played by Michael Rosenbaum on the WB’s hit series “Smallville”.
5. You’ve become numb to the suffering you hear reported on the news but reading “Dilbert” makes you weep like a baby and renew your vows of global domination.
4. You’re finding it more and more difficult in casual conversation not to refer to your coworkers as “henchmen”.
3. You keep trying to think of ways to bend the business professional dress code so as to allow you to wear your “Supreme Chancellor of Earth” outfit to work.
2. You’re convinced that key members of your work group are spies and you have already plotted their gruesome deaths.
1. In your personal daily planner the career objectives “deliver world-class customer service” and “exceed productivity goals” have been replaced by “vengeance” and “complete and utter vengeance”.

Before dinner this evening, my wife & I walked down to our local Farmer’s Market. It was a bit hotter out than I’d thought it would be, making me extra glad we’d brought along bottles of iced tea to drink. However upon returning home, we were dismayed to find our apartment to be a scene of some illegal dumping.

The Accused: Captain Jack — known aliases “Jack”, “Captain”, “Fuzz Butt”, “Stinky”, “Jacque”
The Crime: Illegal dumping (e.g. pooping on the bathmat not more than two feet from his litter box).
The Prosecuting Attorney: Me.
The Judge: Her Honourable Judge Michelle1

Statement by the Prosecution: In this apartment there are 3 living beings; myself, my wife and Captain Jack. Two of them were out of the apartment at the time of the incident. No illegal dumping had occurred prior to Michelle & I leaving for the Farmer’s Market. The apartment was securely locked while we were gone and there were no signs of forced entry.

Statement by the Accused: *meow*

Verdict: Guilty as charged. The accused is to have his nose pointed at, but not quite in, the illegal dumping to show him what he did wrong. Further, the accused is to held in solitary confinement for a period of not less than 10 and not more than 30 minutes.

1 Judge Judy ain’t got nothin’ on my wife! *grin*

Normally, I’d save this for my weekly posting of links from Pukka but I’m reinstalling some software on my main work PC and am bored out of my skull while I wait for it to complete. So I visited the link from Pukka on another PC and scripted up this battle of titans!

Hmm? Oh yeah, the link is flickrTagFight. The idea is very simple; you input 2 terms and the site returns a seletion of photos from flickr with those tags (as well as telling you how many photos have the tag). The site even provides a handy dropdown box for you to select some of the classic battles of the ages (good vs. evil, cat vs. dog, etc..).

My battle of choice? Read on to find out!

It’s “Sushi vs. Pizza” tonight here on flickrTagDeathMatch!!!! In this corner, known for being all too raw and ready to go. The oriental mad man….. SUSHI! In the opposite corner, known for being hot & greasy. The american favorite…. PIZZA! And the fight has started! BAM! CRASH! ZAP! The images are loading on my screen now! *whew* What a match that was! Folks, if you weren’t here tonight; you’ve missed a battle of epic proportions a cool website. The like of which I’ve not seen in my 20 years covering the ring 10 minutes or so of writing up this silly narrative. Such fury and rage has never before been seen in the ring website! The clashing of heavily muscled bodies, flinging each other about the ring nicely taken photos of artfully prepared sushi and heavily-loaded pizzas all on the same page! And the undisputed champion of tonight’s match is the one, the only SUSHI!1

1 At the time of this writing, Flickr had 6480 photos tagged with Sushi vs. 5100 for Pizza.