English Quizzes

We never had quizzes like these back when I took English in school. Then again I wasn’t taking English classes from some random Internet person with a .co.uk domain name either. 😀

Flat caps, tripe, life down t’pit, black pudding, Grimsby. Just a few of the things that you hold dear to your heart, for you are now officially a Northern Bastard. Why not celebrate with a good ol’ fashioned party in the street with bunting, flags and jelly and custard?

If you are, in fact, a southerner and are reading this then don’t be too disappointed. You now have to be friendly to people, pronounce poor as ‘poowa’ and take baths in a steel bathtub in front of the living room fire. Not really. That would be ridiculous. Just move to Workington.

If you are in fact a true northerner, good on ya! And, we’ll see you down south in a couple of years. Just you watch.

In conclusion, I’ll si thi later, ya bastard!

Why not take the test again?

The relief must be flowing through you at the moment, for you have rightly been deemed a ‘boxers man’. Or should that be ‘boxers bloke’?

Either way, at least you’re not a freaking pants wearing old man, eh? You are also now approximately 45% better off at ‘pulling’ a girl in a nightclub. Score! The only problem you now have to face is constant re-arrangement of the undercarriage. Although boxers provide the refreshing breeze that pants shut out, they do not give the testicular support some require.

Still, at least you won’t have a low sperm count.

Why not take the test again?

Well done! You are hereby honoured with the title of film buff. You can now impress your mates that you passed a film quiz on a website that no-one’s ever heard of. Groovy! Go to the cinema in triumph, with your salted popcorn and box of maltesers.

As a film buff, you now have the responsibility of correcting people at every opportunity about common film mistakes. ‘Play it again, Sam’ was never uttered in Casablanca, you should be saying, ‘Adam Sandler is not funny’ also, and of course, ‘Happiness is perfect family viewing’. People will be amazed by your command of general film knowledge. Until you get a question about Jean Claude Van Damme movies that is. Ulp.

In conclusion, how the hell has Martin Scorsese never won an Oscar?

Why not take the test again?

Oh well. Don’t be disappointed at not being a drunk. Some people equate drunkenness with good social skills but we know differently don’t we friends? How many true alcoholics do you actually hang around with? Not many I can assure ye.

You like a drink in moderation, probably one or two nights out a week – if that. The odd pint doesn’t go amiss either, with maybe even one or two vodka and Red Bull’s if you’re feeling fruity. But, down in your heart of hearts there’s nothing that can beat a good cup of tea in your book. May I advise a biscuit accompaniment of a good chocolate digestive? They’re lovely.

In conclusion, get Yorkshire Tea aswell.

Why not take the test again?

Phew. That was a close one. Not a geek, eh? Chances are you’re happy with that because it takes quite a bit to qualify as a geek here. You are just a normal Joe. Awww. If you are surprised by this result, then why would you want to be a geek in the first place anyway? However, I suspect you’re going to do the test again until you qualify as a geek now, aren’t you?

Not being a geek has it’s obvious benefits. Number one: you’re not a geek, two: you can talk to people, three: you’ve probably experienced sex. There are downfalls but I can’t think of any. Well… Obviously I can but I wouldn’t want to make you feel bad. Lord no.

In conclusion, this test was a waste of time, wasn’t it?

Why not take the test again?

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